A Week and a Day

Just eight more days to “D” day and thanks to all the help from my family, Team Survivor et al, Livestrong, and the YMCA I feel confident that I will enjoy the challenge and finish with a new beginning.

How exciting is that?

I don’t know if I’ve said this before, but I never, in a million years, thought I would ever do anything so physically challenging. Isn’t it amazing what our minds tell our bodies what it can and can’t do? In the last 9 weeks while working out on the treadmill at the YMCA I have read over and over again the words on the placard attached to the wall just a few feet in front of me. “Your body hears everything your mind says.” So I watch the thoughts I use when I am 1.5 into the 3 or half way up the never ending hill or surrounded by water and hearing nothing but the exhale of my breath. “You can do it” -- “don’t stop” -- “REACH” -- “ feel my strength” -- “ You Rock!”

Just little words...

Setting aside the obvious questions, tasks and plans such as type and size of my bike, clothing during the triathlon, diet and supplements, and training schedule, there is much to be said about other “little things” in the training regimen that make a difference in my belief in myself and this commitment I made in March.   Like:

When do I stop and let my body rest?
Yikes, why have a gained 5 pounds?
Wah Hoooooo I have a waist line again!
How can I fit in a workout during my lunch hour?
I’m sooooooo hungry!
Good grief, stop eating!
What other wonders will I get to experience?

Just little things…

I don’t know that I necessarily need any answers to the questions or responses to my statements as much as I am reveling in the fact that I am asking and pondering. Just as I did with my diagnosis, during my surgery, and now as a survivor I ask and ponder. How do I recognize the cancer and it’s affects without lending credit to it? How do I keep it in its place, honor the work that my body has done and with wisdom and respect, keep a watchful eye on this fickle and non respecter of persons?

I do this by watching my sisters that have busted the brush ahead of me. I hold on to their words of wisdom and encouragement. I admire the respect they hold for themselves and the reality of life.

You know the big things…

Today I am ready for June 5th, I am grateful and I am so very thankful.

Go, go, go!

While amazed at the upward turn my body has made I am equally amazed at what happens when I skip a work out – our two; not only amazed with my body but with my mind too.  When I get busy with life or just need to kick back, I start to feel a little guilty because I missed the workouts…

Am I really ready for this commitment – now that I see the physical changes I can also see the work it will take to maintain my “new look”.  However, I have a confidence I haven’t felt in a while and a noticeable spring in my step.  This is so very new to me.  Many years have passed since I was a very athletic young girl so how do I listen to my body now?  What is it telling me?  Too much – not enough – keep going – stop and rest?  Then at the end of my day when my apartment is quiet and I am laying in bed with Rufus curled up next to me, I feel the aches and pains from the schedule I kept that day and I begin to ask the harder questions.  Does all of this working out make a difference?  Will this keep me well?  Will this keep me cancer free?  Is it still okay to be scared and feel lonely? …I don’t stay awake long enough to answer.   


But I don’t want to end this blog entry like this. 

I am empowered more than I ever have been in my adult life.  In those moments during my day when I get scared and the “creeps” start creeping in, I remember where I have come from.  I remember where I was just 3 months ago, or even 6 months ago and then I smile and give myself a great hug – then… I grab something to eat and dash onward for the next workout and feel hope with where my future is headed and proud as I listen to my body say go, go, go!   


Beth is a breast cancer survivor and is training for her first triathlon with Capital of Texas Team Survivor. 

Core – What core?

We’re gonna do what with my core?  I don’t think I even have one of those.  I’m going straight to Wal-Mart and buy me one – a strong one.  Ha!  Just kidding.  I know what a core is and it may have been strong some 35 years ago but 4 kids, 2 c-sections later …

Yikes am I ever out of shape.  But now at one week after the start date, I can actually feel a difference in my body and the doubts and hesitations are fading away.  Those probing questions floating around in my head like:  Will I finish?  Heck, will I even start?  Will I get hurt?  Is it going to hurt like this all the time?  are now:  How many classes can I fit in one day?  What do I need to eat to support the changes in my body? Where am I going to find a bike? and  When will I be able to get wet? 

March 4^th was my second stage reconstruction surgery and I still haven’t been given a full release to participate in the swimming.  I am concerned about my upper body strength and if I will be ready for the swimming part of the Triathlon.  Not to be deterred,  I will plug along working on my legs until my surgeon says I’m water tight. 

I am fortunate that I have not suffered many of the awful side effects of the Anastrozole.  Indigestion is a biggy with me with a few headaches and nausea.  No joint aches and pains to speak of and I attribute that to the supplements I am taking.   I go see my primary next month to check my cholesterol and bone density so I feel pretty confident right now that I am responding to the training very well.  I am amazed at the resilience of the human body.   

So last week is over and done with, this week is half way through and I am feeling pretty darn good. The training schedule allows for plenty of planning room and the people at the YMCA have been fantastic.  Tonight I go to Champion for my first Walk, Run, Strength work out. 

Beth

Beth is a breast cancer survivor and is training for her first triathlon with Capital of Texas Team Survivor. 

Wordless Wednesday

Meet Beth

Good morning!  We are in full swing of triathlon training and the Danskin triathlon is only three weeks away!  To give you a some inspiration to get you to the finish line (or the starting line:), we will be publishing Beth's journal as a first-time triathlete.   Meet Beth - in her own words.

I don't really know what the deciding factor was that prompted me to take on the Tri.  I guess that I felt I can do just about anything now and why not this.  I have always been physically strong because I have worked in a male dominated profession and it was important to "keep up"  so to speak.  The cancer showed up just a couple of months after my husband left me for his childhood sweetheart - Ha!  I was a mess withering away to nothing and truthfully I think the cancer saved me.  Is that possible?  
 
I'm 55 and Mother of 4
Single
Spent 15 years in the Water and Waster Treatment Industry
Forever finishing my bachelors
Presently working out of my apartment graphing radio metric data for oil exploration geologists and take on temp employment assignments with several temp agencies.  

I have a Caring Bridge Web site with my story. 

Welcome, Beth! Thank you for sharing your story!

Team Survivor Backyard Tri

What's holding you back?

Ladies!  It's that time of year again, and we are so excited!  Our annual Danskin Triathlon training is starting soon, and we hope that you will join us.  I know what you're thinking -- "A triathlon? Are you kidding me?" Maybe you think that you're not fit enough to do a triathlon, or maybe you have an extreme fear of the water.  You know what? It doesn't matter.  Our group of strong survivors come from all walks of life, all ages and all ability levels.  Our coaches and members have everything you need to be successful on your terms. Triathlon training isn't about crossing that finish line (though, it's a pretty amazing feeling).  It's about putting yourself out there and facing your fears.  It's a way of taking control of your health and your body. It's a way to connect with other survivors. You've already faced cancer and treatment, so what's holding you back?  You can do this!  Please join us.  Our last orientation session is tonight at Bettysport (5916-A W. 12th St) at 6:30 PM.

Quinoa Recipes

Check….check….is this thing on????

First things first, last time Sarah and I ran into each other we laughed like school girls at what bad bloggers we are. But if anyone will understand the saying, “Life got in the way” I think it would be a group of cancer survivors!

I am really going to try to do better at keeping up with the blog but I can’t make any promises!

Oh, a little bit of good news – a lot actually – I was able to make a clean break from the Lexapro and am really starting to feel like myself again.  Now that I don’t have the Lexapro to blame my battle with the bulge on, I am really starting to count calories and actually losing weight. 

I have read a lot of quinoa and what a powerhouse grain this is.  The one time I made it, it was awful but I am determined to try it again and add it to my daily diet.

I found this website that I am ready to try a few recipes from.

Do you have any good quinoa recipes?

Wordless Wednesday

Photograph by L. Weaver

Depression after cancer

Let me start this off by saying, I am NOT a doctor and this is MY experience and this is NOT medical advice.

I have been thinking lately about this blog and decided that if I want you, the readers and survivors, to get honest with us, then the least I can do is be completely honest with yall.

After chemo and surgery is when it hit me hard…I didn’t want to create anything crafty, I would look forward to my husband and son leaving for the day, I didn’t want to get out of bed, food was the last thing on my mind – so I made a panicked call to my oncologist to ask her if after chemo depression was a real thing. In fact, I learned it is very common and unfortunately, it isn’t talked about much.

I have realized in all the groups I have been a part of, we like to tell our cancer story, but we rarely tell the after-math story. In my opinion cancer for me was “easy” – I knew I was going to feel like crap, I knew I was going to hurt, I knew it was okay to cry – hey I was fighting a big battle in my body and I “knew” what to expect.  What I didn’t know was the craziness that was going to come my way after treatment was all done.

Anti-depressants have been my “friend” since chemo ended, but they aren’t really a good friend. They make it next to impossible to lose weight, I have zero sex drive and I feel dizzy when I don’t take them on time – not such a nice friend.  After talking with my oncologist last week, we decided it was time for me to break up with my friend and figure out another way for me to manage.

One thing I have found to be better than therapy for me is running – running with friends, talking to them, and feeling alive with my feet hitting the ground. There is something about running – nothing else gets me in that zone to feel so powerful and capable of conquering the world and if heaven forbid, cancer again.

So, I realize this post isn’t coherent, in exact order or the best written, but I do hope you know it is from my heart and though it is easy to want to be the strong perfect face of cancer, the reality of it is – cancer sucks, it is hard and we need exercise and friends to get us through everything.

Wordless Wednesday

Photograph by L. Weaver

That is Why I Love Team Survivor

We love our teammates!  Today, get inspired by Mary Starr's story about what Capital of Texas Team Survivor means to her. Thank you for sharing your story, Mary! 

I was diagnosed in 1997 with breast cancer, stage 3. If you know about the diagnosis you know what it means to me.

For most of my life I did lots sports until I had children, Aaron and Ian. I dedicated more time to them than my need to keep in shape. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer I had been sailing and racing Catalina 22 sail boat and had a great time, but... diagnosis came and I became a couch potato till a friend mentioned the Danskin Triathlon. What is that? So I signed for a walk at the 2000 race and realized I needed to get back in exercising but cost of living was not permitting me to join a group or health club and my excuse was that have had cancer.

After walking at the Danskin, I saw a 70 year old athlete passing me after she had gone swimming and biking -- that was my motivation to get back and learned how to swim. I was afraid of the water and my intention was never to do a triathlon, only to learn how to swim. Team Survivor was having a training session so I joined the classes.

After so many weeks of training and lots of encouragement from our coaches, I reluctantly signed up for the Danskin Triathlon.... with the condition to have a "swimming angel" that was our president of Team Survivor and she was pregnant with her first child and a miracle one after chemotherapy.  They (her and her unborn baby) were my angels forever. My goal that day was not to drown...  and when I was swimming all my energy was focused on if I survive chemo I can survive swimming... repeating this words stroke after stroke... after I don't know how many minutes that seemed like an eternity I was walking on solid ground again.... yes I did the bike and yes I walk the run route....

Team Survivor was my new HOPE. Team Survivor gave me my life back.  After 13 years of being a survivor and 9 triathlons, Oh yes,  46 mile ride in Mamma Jamma last year, I am alive! Whether it's the willing of living, the striving for life or exercising with Team Survivor, this group keeps me alive.  I hope I never have to quit Team Survivor. Team survivor is a Great Support Group of women that became part of my life, my friendship and my Heart.  That is why I love Team Survivor!

What are you waiting for?  Take some time to learn about the programs that Capital of Texas Team Survivor offers! 

Back on the Bike: Muscle Memory

Chemo ended in July, and radiation ended in September.  Active treatment was complete, and I had no excuse to not get out there and start working out again.  It's been about a month since I slowly added exercise back into my routine.  One activity that I missed dearly was yoga.  I figured that going to a couple of gentle yoga classes would be a great way to ease back into things.  Unfortunately, I found these gentle classes not so gentle.  In fact, they were quite difficult.  Physical limitations aside, what I found the most challenging happened in my head -- letting go of the "old" body that could bend into various poses and had the strength to hold these poses with ease.  In one yoga class, stuck in a corner and washed with hot flash after hot flash, I found my self angry and agitated -- things that should never be the product of a yoga class.  But, I WAS angry, frustrated and self conscious.  I was angry that I couldn't get my shoulder to the ground in an easy twist.  I was frustrated that my ICD made it difficult to move my left arm and shoulder in ways that I always had.  And, I was terribly self conscious about my breast prosthetic moving around and revealing itself.  Despite my these challenges, I continued going to class twice a week with an awareness of these feelings and a new mantra that goes something like this: "You're exactly where you need to be right now."  I knew that I could get back to that place where my body felt strong and healthy because I had been there before.  Finally in Tuesday's class, I could really tell that I was getting somewhere. We were in a common pose that I had found very challenging since returning the mat, but there was a moment where I felt like I was back in that strong and flexible body.  I melted into the pose. It felt like my muscles suddenly remembered what to do.  While this feeling was fleeting,  it gave me exactly what I needed --  glimmer of hope that reminded me that I will have the strength to get back on my bike!

Wordless Wednesday

Photograph by L. Weaver

Wordless Wednesday

Photograph by L. Weaver

Back on the Bike: My Challenge

Photograph by S. Stone

That's me at last year's inaugural Mamma Jamma Ride.  It was an amazing experience, I must say.  And, not just the ride itself.  I pushed myself more than ever mentally and physically during the training, and I cultivated so many wonderful life-long friendships that ended up being real lifesavers for me.  But, I haven't been back on that bike since that day.  About two weeks after this photo was taken, I was diagnosed with breast cancer for a second time.  WTF, I thought. I was five years out from my original diagnosis, had a month left of my five years of Tamoxifen and I was in the best shape of my life -- I just rode 75 miles for cryin-out-loud!

Sure, part of the reason I haven't been on my bike is because I've endured a year of surgeries, chemotherapy, radiation, sudden cardiac arrest, etc, etc.  But, that's not really why I won't get back on my bike.  It's an emotional/mental block kind of thing.  I really can't explain it.  I just feel really nervous about it for some reason -- almost superstitious. Obviously, I need to GET OVER IT!  But, I'm not ready.  What I am ready to do, however, is share my process of getting back on that saddle in a new series on this blog called Back on the Bike.  This isn't just about getting back on my bike, it's more about letting go of my anger and frustration and accepting that where I am now is where I need to be.  I hope you'll join me for the ride.

Holiday Season and exercise

With Halloween over (really, where did October go?) and November first already here, we are well on our way to be deep into the holiday season. With the holiday season comes lots of yummy eating but also a to-do list that is too long and stress to get everything done.

In my opinion, the most important thing we as cancer survivors can do during this season is to continue working out. I know for me working out keeps my stress levels at bay and it brings consistency to my crazy days.

So when you are thinking to yourself, should I go for my walk, to the gym, to rowing – the answer is yes. You will feel much better and you will be doing your body a world of good.

Team Survivor on KEYE

Team members Jennifer Hough and Diane Hale along with Coach Melanie Barnes recently shared their experiences with Capital of Texas Team Survivor with local station KEYE.  Many thanks to Diane, Jennifer and Melanie for sharing their stories and inspiring cancer survivors of Central Texas to get involved with CTTS!  You guys are amazing!  Check out the story here.

Wordless Wednesday

To me

To me, Team Survivor means being a part of something bigger than me, bigger than my cancer, bigger than my fight alone. Team Survivor has shown me that I am not alone in my fight to stay cancer free and to stay healthy. I love that they understand – they understand when I say “I know I have met you 5 times and still can’t remember your name – chemo brain,” they understand when I tell them how I gagged on barium the day before, they understand the nervous energy around an upcoming appointment – they understand. They understand the importance of exercise and staying healthy during and after treatment.

Cancer has affected each of our lives in one way or another and we are there to affect the rest of our lives with each other.

What does Team Survivor mean to you?