Let me start this off by saying, I am NOT a doctor and this is MY experience and this is NOT medical advice.
I have been thinking lately about this blog and decided that if I want you, the readers and survivors, to get honest with us, then the least I can do is be completely honest with yall.
After chemo and surgery is when it hit me hard…I didn’t want to create anything crafty, I would look forward to my husband and son leaving for the day, I didn’t want to get out of bed, food was the last thing on my mind – so I made a panicked call to my oncologist to ask her if after chemo depression was a real thing. In fact, I learned it is very common and unfortunately, it isn’t talked about much.
I have realized in all the groups I have been a part of, we like to tell our cancer story, but we rarely tell the after-math story. In my opinion cancer for me was “easy” – I knew I was going to feel like crap, I knew I was going to hurt, I knew it was okay to cry – hey I was fighting a big battle in my body and I “knew” what to expect. What I didn’t know was the craziness that was going to come my way after treatment was all done.
Anti-depressants have been my “friend” since chemo ended, but they aren’t really a good friend. They make it next to impossible to lose weight, I have zero sex drive and I feel dizzy when I don’t take them on time – not such a nice friend. After talking with my oncologist last week, we decided it was time for me to break up with my friend and figure out another way for me to manage.
One thing I have found to be better than therapy for me is running – running with friends, talking to them, and feeling alive with my feet hitting the ground. There is something about running – nothing else gets me in that zone to feel so powerful and capable of conquering the world and if heaven forbid, cancer again.
So, I realize this post isn’t coherent, in exact order or the best written, but I do hope you know it is from my heart and though it is easy to want to be the strong perfect face of cancer, the reality of it is – cancer sucks, it is hard and we need exercise and friends to get us through everything.
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3 comments:
Renee, Thank you for your courage in telling your story. The "after cancer" part is by far the hardest. You're right, it's the part of the journey that no one ever talks about. Everyone wants to believe that you'll settle back into your old self once treatment is over. The truth is you're still on the journey of cancer, and unfortunately, it can feel like you're on it alone. But, you're not. We all experience it in some way. The good news is that is gets better.
Renee thank you for your courage to discuss even the shadows of your experience so honestly. You're such an inspiration.
Thanks for sharing - while we all champion the 'survivor' part of living to tell the tale, it IS hard when your body is adjusting to a new 'normal'. Yes, you know chemo will make you feel bad - but 18 months after - and you still are facing the debilitating fatigue and hot flashes brought on by your anti-cancer meds, what choice to you have but to suck it up and get used to this new normal. As you can guess, I have some experience here too. So - knowing others are out there like you - maybe not facing as severe a condition that I have heard depression can be - should be an encouragement. It is to me :)
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