Back on the Bike: My Challenge

Photograph by S. Stone

That's me at last year's inaugural Mamma Jamma Ride.  It was an amazing experience, I must say.  And, not just the ride itself.  I pushed myself more than ever mentally and physically during the training, and I cultivated so many wonderful life-long friendships that ended up being real lifesavers for me.  But, I haven't been back on that bike since that day.  About two weeks after this photo was taken, I was diagnosed with breast cancer for a second time.  WTF, I thought. I was five years out from my original diagnosis, had a month left of my five years of Tamoxifen and I was in the best shape of my life -- I just rode 75 miles for cryin-out-loud!

Sure, part of the reason I haven't been on my bike is because I've endured a year of surgeries, chemotherapy, radiation, sudden cardiac arrest, etc, etc.  But, that's not really why I won't get back on my bike.  It's an emotional/mental block kind of thing.  I really can't explain it.  I just feel really nervous about it for some reason -- almost superstitious. Obviously, I need to GET OVER IT!  But, I'm not ready.  What I am ready to do, however, is share my process of getting back on that saddle in a new series on this blog called Back on the Bike.  This isn't just about getting back on my bike, it's more about letting go of my anger and frustration and accepting that where I am now is where I need to be.  I hope you'll join me for the ride.